It's the sound of doing nothing for six weeks. And how blissful it's been. Largely blissful. After a year of dodgy emotions, hormones and rearranged body parts, I am deeply in the mood for nothing. Can I sit and read you a story? Sure. Can I lie down in bed with you at night? No problem. Yes. Can I leave those dishes undone and can we eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches for dinner (again) and can you stay longer on the school playground and can you skip piano practice tonight? Hallelujah, yesss. In fact, Emmett insists on it. I'm glad he doesn't much mind the kiss'n'hugs, the getting laughed awake, the awkward sister holding. He doesn't mind much of anything as long as he gets 12-14 squares a day.
During these weeks of quiet there has been some time for reflection. I reflect that I may need a primer on how to be a human being. I fall into old, humiliating patterns. For example, if I think that going around feeling heartsick and melancholy for the troubles going on around me is making anyone's day any better, then I am completely out to lunch. Maybe being busy, happy, and keeping my head in projects is the best of what I have to offer right now. It's a concept I have to keep learning all over again.
Which leads to my next reflection. It seems to me that all of life happens in a moment--this moment. Much of my life through my twenties was about the future: what can I do to make sure this, this and this happen some distant and future day. That time of life seems to have passed. Now I find myself thinking a lot about the past and about the day I'm in. The past doesn't seem to help much at all. Really I think all the philosophy and talk I've ever listened to or offered is wasted air if I can transform it into the action of now. That's where I am right now, right or wrong. Which is to say that maybe keeping up a cheerful daily effort actually does seem to matter.
On the subject of projects...AH! So many fun things. Besides a lot of blog backlog (blacklog?), we're working on at least a dozen plans, including:
Treehouse - stay tuned and I'll try to post our progress on this exciting new feature that Grandpa Tom has been adding to our backyard. I've had a post in progress, of this and other projects, for a while, but.... my camera has been fritzy this summer and I haven't been able to download pictures without first having them converted to a disk at Costco (Quel hassle).
Lights, lights, lights. We recently had the trees trimmed so I can finally put the outdoor lights back up. No one gets as excited about this as I do, but I truly love to have twinkle lights come on every evening at dusk. It's such a simple pleasure, so cheerful and cozy.
Ally's 7th birthday. Whoa.
Ally's 7th birthday. Whoa.
Other things to remember...
Liv takes an active interest in Emmett's bowel movements. She always wants to see what's in the diaper and asks the same question every time: Mom, did Emmett poop in his diaper? as if this were both the naughtiest and most hilarious possibility ever. She calls nursing "milking," as in, Mom, are you milking Emmett? It's not a flattering phrase but I can't seem to break her of the habit.
Both girls rush to him when he comes into the room ("A baby walks into a bar...") ... even now, six weeks after the blessed event. They laugh and coo and paw at him. He suffers the attention with big, bewildered eyes.
Bim took his parents out to eat while they were visiting this week. He told me this story when he got home:
Ally: "Why did someone write *edited* in the bathroom?"
Bim: "You know, you really shouldn't read the things that are written in bathrooms."Ally: "But what if someone wrote something nice, like, 'you are special?'"
Ally continues to be the most enthusiastic person in the universe. She feels things very deeply and cried hysterically (with despair and joy) this week while watching "Hook" with us. He's so happy! [SOB!] His happy thought is that he's a FATHER!
Her softball coach cracks up at her enthusiasm. She started this season with no knowledge of the game and has worked very hard. Today she had her first hit--a double!
Liv continues to love gymnastics and is getting ready to perform a dance in the Winter Spectacular, to the tune of Dominic the Donkey. She only agreed to be in the show after confirming that her friend Maddie will also be dancing.
This is turning out to look like on of those long family letters you get at Christmas. Should I start referring to myself in the third person and telling you all my triumphs? Oh, I have none. I made a person and so far he really seems to like me.
